its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
