you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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