My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
