seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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