I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
