last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
