butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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