areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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