I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
