I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
