Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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