i was born a porn star she said
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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