Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
