a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
