We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
