So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
