Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
