Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We got so high we made milksteak
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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