I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We talked him into tasing himself.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
