My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
