there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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