I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
