He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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