you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize