dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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