who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
