Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
