Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
