the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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