How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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