his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
