I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
how does that bad decision feel?
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