When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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