guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
