I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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