I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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