White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
