Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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