Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
