One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You pole danced in your parka.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
