Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
