I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
