Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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