either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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