I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm always down for nudity.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
