About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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