your thong is hanging out like whoa
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
