So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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