Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
