and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
