i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
