his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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