so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
