Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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