It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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