Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
