Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
