my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
