just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
