this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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