Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
