I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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