hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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