So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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