She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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