OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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