Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
